All-Star Criminals

Springfield Pill Cosby Taunts Cops On Facebook About Warrants, Gets Arrested In Maternity Ward After Sperm Sponge Shoots Child Out Of Baby Cannon

Springfield Pill Cosby Taunts Cops On Facebook About Warrants, Gets Arrested In Maternity Ward After Sperm Sponge Shoots Child Out Of Baby Cannon

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It’s been an exciting week in Western Mass. First we had Holyoke’s race-baiting assembly, then Auntie Ratchet from Chicopee, then the rare Likalotapus and Beefalope appearances in Springfield. Someone must have spiked the sizzurp with some flakka because all things common and decent have been abandoned.

Today’s story goes to Jason Santiago, or as most of you him, #PettyGuap.

 

The hat. It’s the only kind of hat you’re allowed to wear while posing for a picture with a Benjaphone.

Petty Guap is rapper from Springfield. Shocker. Here’s a couple lines from his newest single which will be dropping sometime after his prison release.

Anyways, Springfield Police Department posted this story today on their Facebook page and it was everything I’ve dreamed of and more.

SPRINGFIELD — A fugitive who spent weeks taunting Springfield police on Facebook was arrested Wednesday at Mercy Medical Center after his girlfriend gave birth to their baby. 

Jason C. Santiago, 30, of Springfield, was tackled after fleeing plainclothes detectives in the hospital’s birthing center, according to the arrest report. 

He was arrested on warrants from seven open cases, including heroin and cocaine distribution charges, plus three new charges from a foot chase and struggle in the birthing center, the report said. 

On Thursday, Assistant District Attorney Matthew Loftus said Santiago bragged on Facebook about eluding city detectives, and also posted photos of undercover officers and their vehicles.

“Apologies to my city. They Got Half the Dept. looking 4 me,” Santiago, also known as Petty Guap, wrote on Sept. 22, according to the report.

“Dear Springfield Police Department – Stop Tryna CATCH ME. Y’all Too SLOW!,” he wrote the next day, before adding: “They Almost Got Me Tonight.”

He wrapped up a Sept. 23 post with an obscene suggestion for city narcotics detectives and Judge William Boyle.

“Stupid F—- Keep Letting Me See All The Cars They In,” he wrote on Oct. 10, hours before he saw detectives waiting for him outside the birthing center, the report said.

In court Thursday, Santiago denied charges of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and assault and battery on a police officer. Judge John Payne revoked Santiago’s release in the open cases, effectively jailing him for 90 days. He also set bail at $5,000 on the new charges. 

It wasn’t the first time Santiago expressed his opinion on police officers. In May 2016 he was arrested on heroin charges while wearing a T-shirt showing a cartoon figure urinating on the logo of the Springfield C-3 Police Unit, a squad of state and city officers working in crime-ridden neighborhoods.

On Wednesday morning, police staked out Mercy Medical Center after learning that Santiago’s girlfriend was about to have their baby, the arrest report said. A

fter the baby was born, Santiago left the room but spotted an undercover officer in the lobby. He fled back into the birthing center, where he was confronted by a city detectives, the report said.

“You got me, you got me,” he told one, lowering his head — and then headbutting the detective in the stomach. A second detective tackled Santiago moments later, ending the pursuit, the report said.

Imagine if people like this didn’t procreate? I’m so glad they do. Because of them we have lock downs in the maternity ward where a mother that just spent 19 hours pushing a human being out of her hoo-ha gets to witness her baby daddy get shackled and tackled right in her the comfort of her nursing room.

It’s like an episode of Bae’s Anatomy.

I’ve never done the whole “give birth” thing, but know according to the 72nd amendment that “those who get knocked up by hoodrat trash shall never be arrested within a hospital during birth of 7th illigitimate child.” Basic shit. Nella Cedeno knows that.

Even though she makes no fucking sense, I kind of agree. I can’t turn on my smart phone without thinking the government is spying on me. Meanwhile, Petty Twat is running around Springfield checking into places on his i-Phone, posting videos about the sweet deals he gives on QPs and basically just not trying to hide at all.

While wearing what else? A Mr. Rogers t-shirt.

I think maybe the SPD waited until that exact moment to finally arrest him because not only did they know he was too shitbrained to think they weren’t catching on to him, but they wanted the final word after his public mockery.

Good thing his baby ma’s an attorney.

She must work in the same office as Richard N. Vulva.

In all seriousness though, I find it kind of fascinating that in the middle of running his drug game, elluding cops and making baby after ebt-bound baby, Pill Cosby still finds time to make music videos for his sick beats.

He’s so woke it hurts.

Check out his profile. It’s public and it’s ratchtastic. You’ll get to see things like this:

But it’s all good in the hood because my man here saved France from ISIS invasion a couple years back.

So he gets a pass.

 

 

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22 Comment(s)
  • They call me Ponch
    October 15, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    He’s serving up QP’s, blowing up the city, yo!

    Maybe he works at the locally franchised McDonald’s providing high calorie food stuffs for the indigenous population?

    It could happen.

  • AJ
    October 15, 2017 at 1:19 am

    I had a baby with a lightweight drug dealer when I was younger and even he was smart enough to not drop by the hospital when I had him… And he was a real fucking idiot back then.

    Who knows though, this could’ve been his way of surrendering and letting the state raise the kid on his behalf… Wouldn’t be the first guy who determined that jail was more desirable than taking on the financial burden of raising the human they’re 50% responsible for creating…

    • Biker Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      He’ll never take financial responsibility for the kid. Massachusetts will look for any reliable income, which, obviously comes from selling drugs and isn’t taxed, find none and that baby becomes the fiscal responsibility of the People of The Commonwealth. Just like the prenatal visits were free, the birthing room/hospital will be free, the baby’s food, diapers, clothing and housing falls upon the tax payer’s shoulders to pay.

      It’s time to spay and neuter drug dealers and their sperm sponges!

  • NYCBeagle
    October 14, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Too bad we can’t deport US citizens to North Korea or Venezuela.

    • Chip Striker
      October 14, 2017 at 11:06 pm

      I’ve always said that. Fuck blowing up the middle east, sprinkle some of these flat brimmed saggy pant good for nothing thugs in their countries….Save money on warfare and welfare.

      Win win.

  • whatevuh
    October 14, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    ‘The Bottom Of The Barrel’ that’s fucking perfect LMFAO

  • MadameMidlifeCrisis
    October 14, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Best headline EVER!!!

    • ChrisInShrewsbury
      October 14, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      @MadameMidlife Exactly! “Sperm Sponge Shoots Child Out Of Baby Cannon” is the best TBS headline in years.

      -ChrisInShrewsbury

  • Choob
    October 14, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    Investment advice.. he recommend large-cap, medium or small? Income or growth? Maybe bonds instead of equities? How much was the hospital bill? 10 thou? Who pays that?

    • MadameMidlifeCrisis
      October 14, 2017 at 5:42 pm

      Damn Choob; you know who pay fo’ that; da state do!

      ~Washes mouth & hands with Clorox & Brillo pads…~
      I wish these numbskulls would understand that if they weren’t misusing state/federal tax monies, it could be better spent on things like education & programs for their endless parade of bastard kids & the elderly. Public roads & bridges could be repaired, even the “seckshum 8” hovels they tend to call home could be fixed up. If you “axe” the average sponge “where does the state/government get all that money to pay for all that “free sheeeeit you like?” they don’t have a clue that it comes from the state & government by taking it from people working hard, trying to scrape by with a living & working their asses off to provide for themselves & their families. It’s also not just a “race” thing as you can ask the same thing of white/Hispanic sponges & they’ll not have an answer or give 1 like this gem, “the guvvamint just prints more money if they needs it.” I wanted to throat punch the face tatted, 19 y.o. “mother” of 4 that said this, but all I could do was sigh loudly & facepalm until my brain rebooted.

  • Barack Obama
    October 14, 2017 at 2:17 pm

    I cannot believe that the police did this to him. They should not have done that in hospital as he was actually there for birth if kid he donated sperm for which is rare in his community. They only arrested him because of the color of his skin. It’s travesty like this why I not only accept Black Lives Matter to the Hite House I also encourage them to burn cities and kill cops. I wish I was still there to Pardon this fine young man as I did thousands exactly like him.

  • Mom's Basement
    October 14, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    Dude was selling quarter pounds for $550! Release that man!!!

    • MadameMidlifeCrisis
      October 14, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      Didn’t say what exactly he was selling, so it could be a QP of hair-hats glued with oregano. Smoke that shizz up yo!

  • Local real local
    October 14, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    If the father is arrest while the mother is giving birth, is the newborn an accessory or aiding and abetting a fugitive from the Law? Second, do they have a bail hearing in the maternity ward for the father, mother or newborn or everyone all at once?

    Soooo many questions. Soooo few answers.

    To the skank that offered “I told him to stop posting his locations” As if that is the answer, try this one: get that whore for a mother Attorney to call the district attorney’s Office and start the process to work out a deal for bail and date of surrender. If she can’t do it because she looks like a beached shamu then she can ask one of her Law partners to go in for her and work out a deal. But since this guy uses crack as a nutritional supplement it’s no wonder they want him in jail.

  • Puddintaine
    October 14, 2017 at 1:20 pm

    How much exactly is a “benjaphone”? One of those things like making it rain. Is there an established standard?

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      October 15, 2017 at 12:22 am

      I’m thinking in this winners case, it’s probably about $248 – Two $100’s with 48 singles in the middle.

      • Unfortunate
        October 16, 2017 at 8:54 am

        It unfortunately is probably mostly hundred dollar bills. You have absolutely no idea what these idiots can spend or make in a day. If only they could stay out of the mall and actually put that money towards a business or investment they would be golden. If you want to risk your freedom and make thousands of dollars a day at least make it worthwhile. All your kids are going to grow out of those Jordans real quick and your baby mamas are going to have to sell them on Facebook to buy diapers when you get your ass arrested. You people have no idea the amount of money, it so sick to watch. Even that chick the other day I’d be willing to bet all that jewelry was real. It’s ok it hurts my soul too to see such waste.

  • TheCureForHope
    October 14, 2017 at 11:16 am

    Springfield PD – you ROCK! Got this arrogant POS off the streets, for a little while anyway.

    • Stunt Penis
      October 14, 2017 at 11:49 am

      Every time you use the phrase “Baby cannon” I think of the game “Kitten Cannon” and wonder if it could be modified to have a giant vagina spew out a crack baby rather than a kitten.

      Google “Kitten Cannon” by Burst Films

      • #dontfreemiboi100frfr
        October 14, 2017 at 12:31 pm

        I think TBS could market this, a plastic smoking, crack pipe holding ratchet pregnant chick that you “load” with babies holding ebt cards and shoot them from between their legs, I’d def buy a couple!
        I remember kitten cannon well, that was a pretty fun game. Is it still available do you know?

        • Stunt Penis
          October 14, 2017 at 9:23 pm

          Still out there, you can find it with Google. I downloaded the SAY and edited it to allow angles greater than 60 degrees 🙂

          • Stunt Penis
            October 15, 2017 at 7:31 am

            SWF. Fuckin android autocorrect.

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