Springfield Pill Cosby Taunts Cops On Facebook About Warrants, Gets Arrested In Maternity Ward After Sperm Sponge Shoots Child Out Of Baby Cannon
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.
It’s been an exciting week in Western Mass. First we had Holyoke’s race-baiting assembly, then Auntie Ratchet from Chicopee, then the rare Likalotapus and Beefalope appearances in Springfield. Someone must have spiked the sizzurp with some flakka because all things common and decent have been abandoned.
Today’s story goes to Jason Santiago, or as most of you him, #PettyGuap.
The hat. It’s the only kind of hat you’re allowed to wear while posing for a picture with a Benjaphone.
Petty Guap is rapper from Springfield. Shocker. Here’s a couple lines from his newest single which will be dropping sometime after his prison release.
Anyways, Springfield Police Department posted this story today on their Facebook page and it was everything I’ve dreamed of and more.
SPRINGFIELD — A fugitive who spent weeks taunting Springfield police on Facebook was arrested Wednesday at Mercy Medical Center after his girlfriend gave birth to their baby. Jason C. Santiago, 30, of Springfield, was tackled after fleeing plainclothes detectives in the hospital’s birthing center, according to the arrest report. He was arrested on warrants from seven open cases, including heroin and cocaine distribution charges, plus three new charges from a foot chase and struggle in the birthing center, the report said. On Thursday, Assistant District Attorney Matthew Loftus said Santiago bragged on Facebook about eluding city detectives, and also posted photos of undercover officers and their vehicles.
“Apologies to my city. They Got Half the Dept. looking 4 me,” Santiago, also known as Petty Guap, wrote on Sept. 22, according to the report.
“Dear Springfield Police Department – Stop Tryna CATCH ME. Y’all Too SLOW!,” he wrote the next day, before adding: “They Almost Got Me Tonight.”
He wrapped up a Sept. 23 post with an obscene suggestion for city narcotics detectives and Judge William Boyle.
“Stupid F—- Keep Letting Me See All The Cars They In,” he wrote on Oct. 10, hours before he saw detectives waiting for him outside the birthing center, the report said.
In court Thursday, Santiago denied charges of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and assault and battery on a police officer. Judge John Payne revoked Santiago’s release in the open cases, effectively jailing him for 90 days. He also set bail at $5,000 on the new charges. It wasn’t the first time Santiago expressed his opinion on police officers. In May 2016 he was arrested on heroin charges while wearing a T-shirt showing a cartoon figure urinating on the logo of the Springfield C-3 Police Unit, a squad of state and city officers working in crime-ridden neighborhoods.
On Wednesday morning, police staked out Mercy Medical Center after learning that Santiago’s girlfriend was about to have their baby, the arrest report said. After the baby was born, Santiago left the room but spotted an undercover officer in the lobby. He fled back into the birthing center, where he was confronted by a city detectives, the report said.
“You got me, you got me,” he told one, lowering his head — and then headbutting the detective in the stomach. A second detective tackled Santiago moments later, ending the pursuit, the report said.
Imagine if people like this didn’t procreate? I’m so glad they do. Because of them we have lock downs in the maternity ward where a mother that just spent 19 hours pushing a human being out of her hoo-ha gets to witness her baby daddy get shackled and tackled right in her the comfort of her nursing room.
It’s like an episode of Bae’s Anatomy.
I’ve never done the whole “give birth” thing, but know according to the 72nd amendment that “those who get knocked up by hoodrat trash shall never be arrested within a hospital during birth of 7th illigitimate child.” Basic shit. Nella Cedeno knows that.
Even though she makes no fucking sense, I kind of agree. I can’t turn on my smart phone without thinking the government is spying on me. Meanwhile, Petty Twat is running around Springfield checking into places on his i-Phone, posting videos about the sweet deals he gives on QPs and basically just not trying to hide at all.
While wearing what else? A Mr. Rogers t-shirt.
I think maybe the SPD waited until that exact moment to finally arrest him because not only did they know he was too shitbrained to think they weren’t catching on to him, but they wanted the final word after his public mockery.
Good thing his baby ma’s an attorney.
She must work in the same office as Richard N. Vulva.
In all seriousness though, I find it kind of fascinating that in the middle of running his drug game, elluding cops and making baby after ebt-bound baby, Pill Cosby still finds time to make music videos for his sick beats.
He’s so woke it hurts.
Check out his profile. It’s public and it’s ratchtastic. You’ll get to see things like this:
But it’s all good in the hood because my man here saved France from ISIS invasion a couple years back.
So he gets a pass.
We urge you to support the following local businesses. They provide terrific services for the community!