Smiles And Sunshine

Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Round 2: Chudstuffer Region

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The voting is completed for round 2 of the Trap Queen Region of Turtlboy Ratchet madness. All 4 matchups were tightly contested and ultimately were not decided until this morning. Here are the 4 ratchets who haven’t advanced to the Sweet 16:

The 1, 2, 3, and 4 seeds in this region all failed to advance to the Sweet 16. This is the most unpredictable bracket of them all. And that 4-5 matchup was decided by just one vote. So don’t let anyone tell you your vote doesn’t count people!!!

So we’ve got 12 of the Sweet 16 set in stone. Time to get the last four from the Chudstuffer region, which many believe to be the strongest. Here’s what the bracket looks like:

As always we have provided you with links to relevant blogs and a list of their ratchet accomplishments  so that you may make an informed decision on who to vote for. Let’s begin!

1. Didi Delgado vs. 9. Dianne Williamson

Didi Delgado

  • Forces cult of white women from all over the country to pay her reparations whenever she demands it
  • Doesn’t report any of this income to the IRS but still seems to never have money for rent (which is racist) and still gladly collects food stamps and other handouts from Uncle Sam
  • Takes elaborate vacations all around the world paid for by dumb white women who pay her reparations
  • Forces wypipo to write #DoneForDidi after donating to her so she can keep track of which wypipo have paid up
  • Raised $12,000 for a car, car seat, and $4K worth of car insurance that was delinquent
  • Often posts about who she is offering up some lady bits by saying things such as “everyone knows my pussy is gold”
  • Dresses like 120 pound woman, which is what she weighs on the moon
  • Said she would lead a Nat Turner-esque rebellion on any teacher who attempts to teach her daughter about the Pilgrims
  • Held Facebook Live show announcing identity of her child’s sperm donor
  • Sold tickets to show with strict “no refund” policy even though it was just her driving around in a car talking into her phone




Dianne Williamson

  • Admitted to defrauding Triple A by using someone else’s car for free tow
  • Saw bare ass of tow truck driver, photographed it, posted it to Facebook without him knowing, and began to mock his weight and ass along with her progressive friends
  • Wrote fake apology column in which she victimized herself and blamed turtle riders for being mean to her for posting noodz and publicly shaming a man who helped her out
  • Used to use her column to write about public interest stories, but contracted Trump derangement syndrome and transformed into bizarre angry cat woman with affinity for wine
  • Used to send us messages all the time complimenting us for our work and telling us what a big fan she is
  • After contracting TDS (turtle derangment syndrome) she began to message us at all hours of the night (quite likely after several glasses of wine) telling us to “go to hell asshole,” “unhinged,” “nasty,” a “little whimp who no one likes,” and a “total loser”
  • Told Turtleboy that his (her) children would one day grow up to be ashamed of them
  • Began messaging us randomly taunting us for being a dying blog, all the while reading the blog on a daily basis
  • Got a key to the city from Mayor Joe Petty for her fine work writing a column in which she said he did not call his supporters “morons” even though she privately told Turtleboy that she was certain he called them morons





5. King Cheesehog Steven Assanti vs. 4. Shrewsbury House of Many Cums Slavemaster Steve

King Cheesehog Steven Assanti

  • Fall River lardo who weighs 734 pounds and was featured on TLC’s My 600 Pound Life
  • Got kicked out of weight loss treatment at hospital for ordering a pizza
  • Lived under bridge in Dad’s van in Cranston
  • Called taxpayers “stupid mother fuckers” for food, housing, medical bills, phone, urinal, camera and computer
  • Made video of himself screaming at the camera, “fuck the taxpayers”
  • Made video of himself calling African-American nurse the n word repeatedly for not wiping his ass fast enough
  • Called nurse on phone a “fucking cunt” in video
  • Told nurse “I’ll call the cops, don’t fuck with me broad”
  • Developed the “disease” with heroin addiction because people were mean to him on the Internet
  • Dr. Phil called him a con artist
  • Dad had to rent a hauler to get him to Texas, stopping every 100 miles for Big Macs because he was throwing a fit
  • ended the careers of hospital workers and EMT/Fire fighters
  • Home health worker quit, and he called the police on her to say she stole his TV
  • Saw 17 doctors in Texas and acquired 39 scripts
  • Rolled off the back of a golf cart, faked injury, cried, demanded people call 911, EMTs couldn’t get him on stretcher
  • Dad took him to the shrink, he refused to go in, freaked out and called the cops



Slavemaster Steve

  • Scared the town of Shrewsbury shitless after claiming to be victim of daytime home invasion at the hands of black and Hispanic guys
  • Forgot to mention that his house is called the “House of Many Cums” and he had a large following in the BDSM community
  • Targets girls who cut themselves, have psychological issues, and are younger than 25 because they are easier to manipulate
  • Has them sign contracts agreeing to be his full time sex slaves, many of whom also live in his suburban Shrewsbury home
  • Bragged about how one slave was a college freshman “away from home for the first time,” and her parents thought she was in her dorm room but in reality she was blindfolded and covered in sweat in his basement
  • Puts girls in cages meant for small dogs, urges them all to wear collars (even on the rare occasions when they leave the house without him), spanks them until they bleed, videotapes them using dildos on each other and giving him felatio
  • Single handedly keeps the pineapple industry afloat in Shrewsbury
  • Got a BDSM tattoo, all the while masquerading as Shrewsbury’s top realtor
  • Forces his slaves to refer to him as “Daddy” and/or “Sir”
  • Has strict rule on swallowing his many cums because it’s too valuable and gets 4 star reviews on Yelp
  • His slaves are not allowed to open doors, which basically makes them psychological slaves who can never leave
  • Posts bizarre “love” notes to his slaves in which he babbles on like a 5th grade girl
  • Slaves have posted about their devotion to him and their inability to adjust to life outside of the house
  • One slave claimed that she was triggered by the color red because of traumatic childhood prior to the House of Many Cums, but now likes it because she associates it with being his slave
  • Brought slave to Thanksgiving at sister’s house where she exhibited bizarre behavior, asking him for permission to eat, drink, and use the bathroom
  • Claimed he wanted to kill himself afterwards in a desperate plea for victim status prompting the police taking him from his house and sending him to the looney bin for a day
  • Uses slaves as ottomans and coffee tables
  • Is permanently banned from BDSM conventions after refusing to stop tying one of his slaves up during demonstration despite her using the safe word




14. Agawam Fapjuicer vs. 6. Revere Stripper

Agawam Fapjuicer

  • Sold $75 worth of food stamps for $50 on Facebook
  • Told haters to shut the fuck up and mind their business
  • Girlfriend, who clearly has a penis, frequently poses with him wearing panties in bathroom selfies together making out
  • Him and girlfriend video themselves riding around Walmart in fatmobiles
  • Once drove stolen car to dealership, test drove a car and ended up stealing that car too
  • Brags about stealing from tip jars at restaurants
  • Posts “fuck the police” stuff a lot
  • Wanted by cops for stealing dogs in Rhode Island
  • Ran to the south to get away, ended up getting hit by car and died ironically outside of jail


Revere Stripper

  • Revere stripper who whose stripper names are Faith and Boston
  • Made video of herself counting money with a dildo, claiming “I make mad money and fuck myself, ain’t nobody gonna tell me shit, bitch!”
  • After allegedly beating up four rival strippers she posted ratchtastic video from strip club changing room saying things like, “you need to fuck mad n words to be where you need to be bitch,” said she’s a “real ass bitch who pops pussy, sells drugs and does what the fuck you can’t do n word,” told rival strippers that “I don’t even have a dick but I just fucked your throat n word,” and said “I got that sauce, I got that marinara.”
  • Came on Turtleboy Live in between lap dances in epic episode where she explained to turtle riders what the definition of pussy poppin was






10. Moby Trick vs. 15. Bristol Fupa Mom

Moby Trick

  • 400 pound (estimated) cheesehog originally spotted in Providence walking around tryig to sell weed to random people in cars while wearing underpants with fupa flowing from shirt that was 4 sizes too small
  • Migrated north to Worcester, wearing different navy blue panties, and was caught walking through Main South with random crackhead who had just purchased her services grabbing large honch of spare cellulite on posterior


Bristol Fupa Mom

  • Accompanies pajama clad daughter to fight other trashbag teens at public part in broad daylight
  • Absolutely dominates and rains down thunder on future teen moms who try jumping her daughter
  • Pulls hair of more than one teen at the same time while shirt is falling off

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You have 24 hours to vote….

11 Comment(s)
  • Alyssa Lungarini
    April 15, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    Didi.. #Ratchet .. she wins just because of all if her ratchetedness an her fucking followers who love to post about being happy when innocent officers are killed ..

  • Chip Striker
    April 15, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    1927 Yankees couldn’t beat Didi

  • Jack Straw from Wichita
    Jack Straw from Wichita
    April 15, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    Tough match up for Dianne W. Didi will be tough to get around; literally and figuratively. While Didi is certainly despicable, it would be sweet for Dianne to win based on the decades of hate-filled vitriol in her column in the Turtlegram and Gazette. In the end, Dianne is a defeated woman; even her editorial masters at the Turtlegram threw her under the bus and spit her out like a cherry stone when she was no longer useful to them. Sad.

  • True Reality Speaks
    True Reality Speaks
    April 15, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    Dianne vs Didi. Tough one (not really).

    Didi is pretty much the most despicable human I’ve ever seen – but you know she’s gonna use her victories here to brag and get even more lemmings to support her racist, disgusting lifestyle. Win – win for her, no matter how you look at it.

    Dianne for the win because of 1) the above, and 2) she’s a local, public figure that deserves to be humiliated – along with the T&G, her friends and fans – in the same fashion as the tow truck driver and on behalf of all the decent people that don’t support the totalitarian Left or suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome.

  • pro trump
    April 15, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    i vote 4 the fat nigger lol

  • Father Whyat Hurts
    April 15, 2018 at 11:38 am

    Lea Marie Pastore is a recent convert to the Church of Pincha Stoolie Vishnu. After some Eastie-Orient Heights foreplay, I cleaned her salad plate up like a champ and munched that fine Italian carpet like a champ. I, Father Whyat Hurts, did so in a fell swoop, chocolate teeth and all. Lea Marie aptly returned the favor, a true salad days girl, tossing said Father Whyat Hurts salad like a Trattoria Panino chef. Even though her pussy poppin is much more refined than her lip-stroking rod cleaning (with obligatory throat fark sounds effects of course); she did a fine derivative of Pincha Stoolie, doing a home schooled brand of Pincha Loaf nee Shiva. She no longer cares, and actually regrets, fucking up 4 bitches, focused all on knocking down one love stool. We consummated this on 6/17/2017, and she has declared being In a Relationship ever since. No one can squat out a lover log like Lea Marie, Father Whyat Hurts is in love and has his new queen!

    • Attila
      April 15, 2018 at 12:22 pm

      You need a fucking axe to the head. Shut your fucking hole, you stupid cocksucker.

      • Father Whyat Hurts
        April 15, 2018 at 2:14 pm

        So much anger Attillaqueefilla, Pincha Stoolie Vishnu wants only for you to strive for dharmic vision. We strongly urge you get out your best salad dish and convert to our way of life. When Pincha Stoolie shows you how to love meaningfully you will thank us for it. Love is love – you’re welcome.

        • Attila
          April 15, 2018 at 6:44 pm

          You are an incredible douchebag. You’re not fucking funny. You say shit that makes people want to beat you. Shut the fuck up.

  • Hughbo Mont
    April 15, 2018 at 11:19 am

    People from the Woo should get 1.25x weighting. But even with that Diane wouldn’t (better not) beat Didi.

  • Clitty Litter
    April 15, 2018 at 11:10 am

    Holy snickey, this is getting tough!
    It makes me ponder of the true meaning of ratchet.
    Motivation. Shady-ness. Drain on society. It all factors.
    The horror.

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