Smiles And Sunshine

Here Is The Official Bracket For Turtleboy Ratchet Madness – Vote For The Ratchet Play-In Game Winners

Here Is The Official Bracket For Turtleboy Ratchet Madness – Vote For The Ratchet Play-In Game Winners

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Welcome to the first annual Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Tournament. We’ve written about so many of these creatures over the years that we’ve forgotten about a lot of them. But we need to decide the age old question – who is the most ratchet of them all? And the only way to do that is to have an NCAA style 68 team, single elimination tournament. So what we did is we came up with 68 biggest ratchets we’ve ever written about. We seeded them 1-16 (1 being the higher ranked ratchet) and put them into four regions – the Fupasloth region, the Cheesehog region, the Trap Queen region, and the Chudstuffer region. Each ratchet will be head to head against another ratchet, and we will leave the voting up to turtle riders. After 24 hours of each poll being put into our blogs, we will tally the votes and announce the winner who will go on to the next round. Pretty simple stuff. Here’s what the bracket looks like:

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A lot of these names might not sound familiar. So we’re gonna go bracket by bracket, starting with the Fupasloth region. We will have you vote on all 8 first round matchups, but will have a brief summary of each ratchet so you can make an informed decision about who to vote for. The polls will be inserted directly below each write up. Then we’ll do the next bracket the next day, then the next, and the next. After that we’ll go right back to the Fupasloth bracket for second round picks, and keep going through the motions like that.

It wasn’t easy coming up with this list and a lot of cheesehogs were put on the ratchet bubble. Notice that this is NOT an SJW tournament. We will do one of those later. But for now we need you all to vote for the winners of the ratchet play-in games, the winners of which will receive 16 seeds and be faced up against our 1 seeds: Busgate parents, Auburn Mall cheesehogs, Misti and Jason Iorio, and the Uxbridge Gypsy Church.

Here’s the ratchet play-ins you can vote for now….

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(each ratchet has a blog about them linked in their name, just click on it)

Fupasloth Region

Carmen Figueroa – cultural appropriation gestapo at Hampshire College arrested for dragging white girl by braids.



Kevin Lynch – Convicted murderer, failed mayoral candidate, Internet troll, refuses to shovel sidewalk, king of imaginary massive civil lawsuits.





Cheesehog Region

Chicopee Superskag – Drunk driver, kicked Chicopee cop in the balls when she wouldn’t get off her cell phone during OUI stop.


Durfee Parents – Parents who don’t have to work create chaos over standard lockdown drill in Fall River.



Chudstuffer Region

Lawrence drug fiends – New Hampshire kids come to Lawrence looking for drugs, whine about cops being mean to them.


Laughlin Kennel – Puppy mill run by ratchets.



Trap Queen Region

Brockton teacher beater mom – All-Star Mom hears rumor that her kid’s teacher is being mean to her. Barges into school, forcing lockdown, assaults teacher in front of class.


WANDA – Worcester welfare leach/activist with broken caps lock who may or may not have Asian chicks locked up in her basement.

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Results will be announced tomorrow, and we will have our field of 64.

Bubble ratchets who didn’t make the field: Kevin Hayes/Tracy Crowe, Sonya Conner, Ryan Madelle, Kristen Dubuque, Husniya Anderson, Jerrell Scerria, Plainfield sex offenders, Ceara Robinson.



We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.


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15 Comment(s)
  • Ijuana Winn
    April 1, 2019 at 5:40 am

    Where is gift-card for toilets, charity thief, and dead-beat dad Greg Bates? I see him on the t-shirt, but not in the bracket?

  • Wangsta mom?
    March 29, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    Northbridge mom threatening 12 yr olds sticking up for her daughter who jumped a girl with her friend? Is she here?

    • Fuji
      March 30, 2017 at 7:38 am

      Whoever emerges from the Cheesehog Region’s going to be tough to beat.

  • Confused
    March 29, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    TB. I just love the word “Chucklefucker”. Lol I just can’t stop saying it.

  • Ninjaturtle
    March 29, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    WHERE IS JUSTIN PRESCOTT?! -add him ASAP lol ratchet city

  • Emily
    March 29, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    I fucking love this so much. I’m not one for march madness because, well, I’m a girl and… ugghhh sports But this is PURE GOLD!!! ::10 mins later I find the 100 emoji:: TBS4LYFE!!

    • Emily
      March 29, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      Awwwee all that time looking for the 100 emoji and it didn’t even show up in my comment!!! Wtf!

  • Ashleys gotta win
    March 29, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    This is the best.

  • MaineTurtleRider
    March 29, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    Did the ratchet father from RI make the list? Can’t remember the name…the one whose daughter supposedly got beaten, and he looks like the lead singer from Smashmouth.

    • March 29, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      Mel Webster is a 2 seed

  • JoeMomma
    March 29, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    No way in hell can Triglypuff be defeated. He/She/It are the Patriots of rachet.

    • Ryan
      March 29, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      I was surprised it’s only an 8 seed.

    • True Reality Speaks
      True Reality Speaks
      March 29, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      She’s a SJW – not a ratchet.

      • JoeMomma
        March 30, 2017 at 12:00 pm

        Thanks for the correction, I’m not up on my phraseology. I’m old and work for a living.

  • Flat Brimmed Turtle
    March 29, 2017 at 2:55 pm

    Better than any March Madness pools out there!!
    This is 100% free my Boi gold……………..

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