Here Is The Official Bracket For Turtleboy Ratchet Madness – Vote For The Ratchet Play-In Game Winners

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Welcome to the first annual Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Tournament. We’ve written about so many of these creatures over the years that we’ve forgotten about a lot of them. But we need to decide the age old question – who is the most ratchet of them all? And the only way to do that is to have an NCAA style 68 team, single elimination tournament. So what we did is we came up with 68 biggest ratchets we’ve ever written about. We seeded them 1-16 (1 being the higher ranked ratchet) and put them into four regions – the Fupasloth region, the Cheesehog region, the Trap Queen region, and the Chudstuffer region. Each ratchet will be head to head against another ratchet, and we will leave the voting up to turtle riders. After 24 hours of each poll being put into our blogs, we will tally the votes and announce the winner who will go on to the next round. Pretty simple stuff. Here’s what the bracket looks like:

A lot of these names might not sound familiar. So we’re gonna go bracket by bracket, starting with the Fupasloth region. We will have you vote on all 8 first round matchups, but will have a brief summary of each ratchet so you can make an informed decision about who to vote for. The polls will be inserted directly below each write up. Then we’ll do the next bracket the next day, then the next, and the next. After that we’ll go right back to the Fupasloth bracket for second round picks, and keep going through the motions like that.

It wasn’t easy coming up with this list and a lot of cheesehogs were put on the ratchet bubble. Notice that this is NOT an SJW tournament. We will do one of those later. But for now we need you all to vote for the winners of the ratchet play-in games, the winners of which will receive 16 seeds and be faced up against our 1 seeds: Busgate parents, Auburn Mall cheesehogs, Misti and Jason Iorio, and the Uxbridge Gypsy Church.

Here’s the ratchet play-ins you can vote for now….

(each ratchet has a blog about them linked in their name, just click on it)

Fupasloth Region

Carmen Figueroa – cultural appropriation gestapo at Hampshire College arrested for dragging white girl by braids.

Kevin Lynch – Convicted murderer, failed mayoral candidate, Internet troll, refuses to shovel sidewalk, king of imaginary massive civil lawsuits.

Cheesehog Region

Chicopee Superskag – Drunk driver, kicked Chicopee cop in the balls when she wouldn’t get off her cell phone during OUI stop.

Durfee Parents – Parents who don’t have to work create chaos over standard lockdown drill in Fall River.

Chudstuffer Region

Lawrence drug fiends – New Hampshire kids come to Lawrence looking for drugs, whine about cops being mean to them.

Laughlin Kennel – Puppy mill run by ratchets.

Trap Queen Region

Brockton teacher beater mom – All-Star Mom hears rumor that her kid’s teacher is being mean to her. Barges into school, forcing lockdown, assaults teacher in front of class.

WANDA – Worcester welfare leach/activist with broken caps lock who may or may not have Asian chicks locked up in her basement.

Results will be announced tomorrow, and we will have our field of 64.

Bubble ratchets who didn’t make the field: Kevin Hayes/Tracy Crowe, Sonya Conner, Ryan Madelle, Kristen Dubuque, Husniya Anderson, Jerrell Scerria, Plainfield sex offenders, Ceara Robinson.

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