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What a year it’s been for Turtleboy Sports. Over 20 million page views and counting. We started the year with about 21,000 Facebook followers. And despite three separate 30 day suspensions that number has doubled to 42,000. We’ve also got two backup pages with over 10,000 followers each when our primary pages are suspended. We’ve been featured on every major radio station in the Boston, Worcester, and Springfield areas, linked by major media outlets, and widely recognized as the only reliable media outlet in Massachusetts. We are an unstoppable force of nature, and we will not be defeated.
So what is Turtleboy Sports? We get that question a lot. Are we a news outlet or entertainment? The answer is, both. We’ve broken some major stories this year.
- We were the first media outlet to report the name of the man (Jorge Zambrano) who killed Officer Ronald Tarentino.
- We were the first to announce when he was killed.
- We broke the story about the corrupt daughter of a retired judge who continued to work in the probation department despite giving up names of informants to her criminal friends, and dating the brother of the cop killer.
- We were relentless in our coverage with the Spencer-East Brookfield schools, which culminated in a peaceful overthrow of School Committee chairman Kevin Hayes.
- We dug and we dug and we dug until we found proof that Mosaic Cultural Complex was paying its employees to do NOTHING, which forced the City Council to finally cut off funding for the fraudulent non-profit.
We also broke a buttload of other stories as well. But at the same time, Turtleboy lives to entertain. This is why you come here. And we do that by shaming people who have earned the shaming. Because sometimes people just wanna have a good ol’ fashioned laugh. Lots of people don’t like this because for years we’ve let them control the narrative. But not any more. From now on when you act like a fool in public, you will be publicly exposed by the Turtle.
With that said, it’s time to look back at the year in Turtleboy. We will be releasing our top 100 most popular blogs, 10 blogs at a time, so you can catch up on the debauchery. Each blog will be explained briefly with a limerick. We understand that many turtle riders jumped on mid stroke, so this gives you an opportunity to catch up on what you missed……
80. Auburn Middle School puts the wrong kids on his hit list – 20,501 page views
When you make a hit list
To shoot up the school
You don’t try to kill kids
Who aren’t known as “cool”
79. Bowdoin College students get in trouble for hosting tequila themed party with sombreros – 20,601 page views
If you try having fun
You’ll get a suspension
Cuz drinking tequila
Is a microaggression
78. New Bedford ratchet Mom leaves baby unattended in her car for 5 minutes – 20,811 page views
They smoke lots of menthols
And they hardly stop boozing
But New Bedford ratchets
Can’t stop reproducing
77. Northeastern Connecticut rap video “Money Callin” is the hottest track you’ll ever see – 21,184 page views
When you watch this video
You think it’s a joke
But it’s all 2 real
For white boy 2 smoke
76. Plymouth Ratchets Part 2 – 21,220 page views
If you get Turtleboyed
And you have no employer
You’ll win your lawsuit
With Dick N Vulva for a lawyer
75. Brookfield lovers caught boning midthrust next to elementary school – 21,344 page views
When the cops catch you midthrust
And she tells you to strip
Just tell the police
It was only the tip
74. Fall River career criminal buys cell phone, finds naked pics of his sister on it, posts them on Facebook – 21,379 page views
You buy a cell phone
Of some shady mister
It works just fine
But there’s naked pics of your sister
73. Turtleboy got Turtleboyed by David Prouty student with fake protest tweet – 21,381 page views
David Prouty student
Made TB look a fool
But the joke is on him
Cuz he’s got the biggest jugs in the school
72. Hampshire College students run for the cops when they see protesters waving the American flag – 21,714 page views
At Hampshire College
We can confirm
The flag is triggering
For this lucky sperm
71. Charlton Police respond to drive by rappers – 21,810 page views
It might seem peaceful
But shit can go down
When you have drive by rappers
In the streets of C-Town
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