Smiles And Sunshine

Vote For Who Should Advance In Ratchet Madness Cheesehog Region Round 1 Matchups

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The voting is complete in the first round of Ratchet Madness fupasloth region, and here are the 8 ratchets who will be advancing:

No real upsets except for 12th seeded Methwaffle eliminating Brockton’s finest. Gonna be some good matchups next round. Methwaffle vs. Yogapoon, Beaver Bumper vs. Dianne Kelly. Coin toss city.

Time to decide who will advance to the second round in the Cheesehog bracket. Once again we will link relevant blogs to each ratchet so that you may make an informed decision before voting…..

1. Leigha Genduso vs. 16. Attleboro Scissorsauras 

Leigha Genduso

  • Has tendency to bang older bald men who can get her nice things
  • Sold large amounts of pot wrapped in Christmas paper
  • Hid $275K worth of drug money from the feds by giving it to a lawyer who has been accused of rape by four women
  • Insists she got her job based on merit, told us to “get your facts straight”
  • Straightened facts revealed that she was given the chance to receive immunity by testifying in front of a grand jury and perjured herself anyway
  • Admitted to being pill popping pothead on the stand
  • Still became a state police dispatcher where she shared confidential emails with random people on the Internet
  • On Facebook she made fun of people who she thought were not qualified to be corrections officers
  • Thinks she’s going to get her job back after being checked into a loony bin when we exposed her

 

 

Attleboro Scissorsaurus

  • Caught red-handed in Mansfield basement by home owner at 1 AM with suboxone and pills
  • Claimed she was looking for her cat
  • Blamed victims for beating her up
  • Messaged Turtleboy blaming home owner for “harassing” her for waring others about her experience
  • Uses dog filter
  • Caught by victim trying to rent an apartment after her arrest in Mansfield, falsely claiming to be married non-smokers
  • Wisely chose to sell storen merchandise on Facebook marketplace
  • Excels in the art of grundle smearing
  • Scissors with women who wear flat brimmed hats
  • Conducts impromptu bikini shoots on top of sinks at Attleboro YMCA
  • Didn’t show up for court, but claimed it was because of time zones and lack of sleep
  • Messaged Desk Girl demanding the blog come down, ended up flirting with her and expressing desire to scissor
  • Filled out “the form”

 

 

 

 

8. Lakeville Laardvark vs. 9. Brockton Psycho Hosebeast

Lakeville Laardvark

  • Fat piece of shit
  • Armed to the teeth, waiting for anything with a pulse to wander onto his property
  • Killed golden retriever because he was scared, even though he could’ve just walked inside the house
  • Tried to bury the dead dog in his backyard

 

 

Brockton Psycho Hosebeast

  • Takes pictures of children around Brockton, posts them on Facebook and claims they’re in danger of being raped
  • Believes she is doing a public good by preventing the children from being sold into sex slavery by their parents
  • Takes pictures of her poo and other bowel movements and posts them on Facebook
  • Posts pictures of her bloody pads on fire on Facebook
  • DTA card in background of many of these pictures

 

 

 

5. Lingerie Party Mom vs. 12. Dorchester Narcan Fairy

Lingerie Party Mom

  • Buys underage daughters and friends booze
  • Rents hotel room for girls only party where they all get drunk on Svedka
  • Grown ass woman who uses 100 emojis
  • Threatens to stab 15 year old daughter’s rivals on Facebook
  • Has been arrested a billion times
  • Pounds tequila outside of section 8 ratchet den with latest who’s burying the broomstick inside her La Colora

 

 

Dorchester Narcan Fairy

  • Was found unconscious in a car in Dorchester
  • Once awoken immediately retrieved Narcan out of her trunk which she used to bring her dead friend back to life
  • Friend thanks her by puking on her
  • Video goes viral, and she commends herself for saving the dude’s life, without people knowing that it’s actually her in the video, and she provided the heroin
  • Frequently brags about small periods of alleged sobriety on Facebook
  • Is a backpage hooker
  • Plenty of Google trophies
  • Was banging an incarcerated junkbox who recently got out of prison and then went right back for hitting an off duty firefighter and driving away while fucked up

 

 

 

4. Claremont Lynch Mom vs. 13. Brockton Fupajuicer

Claremont Lynch Mom

  • Post about white son being lynched went viral, even though he was just fucking around with idiot friends in the backyard
  • Realized that if she highlighted his 1/8 blackness that she could get a nice GoFundMe going
  • GoFundMe raised over $50,000
  • Fed into nationwide narrative that hate crimes are on the rise
  • Pretends to be loving and caring mother, but really gave up custody of her kid so she could rip butts and pound wine
  • Gave interview about the dangers of diversity, not knowing that diversity is a good word
  • Forced son onto bootleg version of The View where he was clearly emotionally damaged from all the shit Mom is putting him through
  • Got knocked up by rapper named Gho$t, who quickly ghosted on her shortly thereafter
  • Ended up moving in with new chudstuffer with tons of violent Google trophies who she brings around her four children

 

 

 

Brockton Fupajuicer

  • Announced on Brockton Hub that husband downloads kiddie porn but she was covering up for him in exchange for cash payments
  • Husband ends up stiffing her so she blows up his spot on the Hub, not realizing that she is admitting to covering up for a sex offender
  • It’s OK though, because it’s in the name of revenge
  • Hates waking up and remembering the day before
  • Frequently posts about her trips to the doctor to get suboxones
  • Might live in a bus
  • Brags about ability to swallow sperm

 

 

3. Quincy Elderly Robbing Junkboxes vs. 14. Tora White

Quincy Elderly Robbing Junkboxes

  • Have the “disease”
  • Rob and assault 93 year old women because they’re too weak and stupid to rob anyone who can fight back
  • She goes back to the scene of the crime to pretend to be a good samaritan to the woman she just helped rob
  • Frequently posts about being clean for 24 hours
  • Posts pictures of other people at rehab on her IG
  • Abandoned four children because heroin is way more fun

 

Tora White

  • Showed up to Boston to protest Nazis
  • Didn’t realize that she was the actual leader of the Nazis
  • Claimed that “no one cares about free speech”
  • Claims that the Boston Common belongs to her and no one else
  • Says the Boston Common is a “hate free fucking spot”
  • Calls anyone who asks her questions a white supremacist
  • Claims that people shouldn’t have opinions

 

 

 

6. Billerica Fire Gangbang vs. 11. South Shore Sausage Queen

Billerica Fire Gangbang

  • Frequently exchanged love juices on taxpayer funded firehouse property
  • Had sex in more than one firehouse, as she was the dispatcher and could go to any house she pleased for mid-day plowathon
  • Experienced in pole riding
  • Good at multi-tasking
  • Team players
  • Works well with others

 

South Shore Sausage Queen

  • Already Turtleboy famous from last year’s Patriots parade fight and history of racially charged Facebook posts
  • Does amateur porn where she kicks guys in the balls and then gives them footjobs
  • Tried to get revenge on one of countless enemies by messaging from her account, pretending to be her mother, and claiming to have just found her own dead body
  • Messaged back and forth for over an hour, while all the while claiming to be her mother lying over the corpse of her daughter
  • Claimed she had not called the cops yet because she had to research through her daughter’s (her) Facebook page for clues about who to sue
  • Forgot she was speaking in her Mom’s voice and called the girl she was messaging a “cunt chink” falsely assuming she was Asian
  • Posted on her Facebook page, pretending to be her Mom, telling the world that she was dead and how much Mom would miss her

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7. 2$moke vs. 10. Braintree Parents

2$moke

  • Lead rapper of 860 money crew, which makes some of the most hilarious bootleg northeaster CT rap music you’ve ever heard, using almost exclusively stolen beats
  • Sleeps with kitchen knife
  • Drives around with kitchen knife
  • Does drug deals in the middle of rap videos
  • Tried to build street cred by pulling a knife on a Connecticut State Trooper responding to domestic violence call

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Braintree Parents

  • Daughters were all contributing members of State finalist basketball team
  • Played for best coach in the state who was won 3 Division 1 state titles in 9 years
  • Made coaches life miserable and forced her to resign
  • Wrote INSANE emails about how they knew more about coaching basketball than she did, and about how much their kids hated the coach
  • Singled out other people’s kids as being shitty
  • Urged their kids not to listen to their coach and not pass the ball
  • Sat in the stands and wrote down plays the coach should be calling
  • Claimed that other parents told them that “I hate that woman, I can’t wait to write her a letter,” but they were really referring to themselves

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2. Ashley Brady vs. 15. Shelley Berman

Ashley Brady

  • Head of the greatest Facebook cult ever – Moms of the South Shore
  • Used authority to silence all dissenters and make herself the cult leader
  • Forced newer members to pay between $10 and $50 to join her Facebook group
  • Ran fundraisers for other Moms but all money went through her PayPal and she provided no receipts
  • Kicked out anyone who questioned her
  • When she realized Turtleboy was watching she began posting about a mass purge, expelling thousands of women who did not comment enough and kiss her ass
  • Started fundraiser for herself to go to Disney because her very important work running a Facebook group meant she couldn’t get a job
  • Has a picture of herself on top of the throne at her house
  • Has a different pair of LuLaRoe leggings for every day of the month
  • Will banish you from the group if you talk about her choice of leggings on your own Facebook page
  • Might have sent a mole to Turtleboy Sports undercover to find out if we were in her Facebook group
  • Had a strict policy of no solicitation, even for fundraisers for sick kids, but still ran GoFundMe’s for her Disney trips

 

 

Shelley Berman

  • Has been run out of town in Kentucky and Oregon as superintendent after massive scandals were exposed
  • Moved all around country with his loser son Dale with the hyphenated last name, ensuring he never got to make friends or have a real home
  • Was convinced Dale was a hockey prodigy because they once lived in Canada
  • Got Andover superintendent gig
  • Dale sucked at hockey as an Andover senior and got demoted to fourth line, playing behind freshman
  • Wrote letter to very successful coach informing him “as a parent and a superintendent” that he sucked at his job, didn’t know what he was doing, made Dale sad, and should be fired
  • Later lied to the media and said this 6 page letter did not exist
  • Admitted it did exist after Turtleboy printed the letter
  • Claimed to have experience as a Division 1 athlete, and finished 4th in the Big 10 in an unnamed sport
  • In reality he was on the Wisconsin fencing team, the Big 10 had less than half their member schools put a fencing team together, he didn’t get any fencing time because he’s 5 foot nothing, didn’t participate in the Big 10 Championship, and won a participation award for ensuring the bench didn’t fly away

 

 

You have 24 hours to vote turtle riders…..

 

6 Comment(s)
  • vicxh
    April 7, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    Leigha Genduso all the way baby.
    Banging cops, banging drug dealers, banging her lawyer, banging her boss, banging anyone with a favor to give.

    Leigha, will you bang me please? I know people who know people ….

  • Stunt Penis
    April 6, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    Ashley, definitely. She’s got the crazy eyes.

  • #daddydontwannaseethat!
    April 6, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    The psycho picture beast that takes pics of her bodily fluids, shes completely insane and 100% ratchet! I never imagined id ever see another picture of Ashleys raunchy ass face, those eyes scream psycho girlfriend, i bet shes hard to bang in the light. 

  • Will Crusher
    April 6, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    “Marie Samedy – Gorillas In Our Midst”

  • TJB
    April 6, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    I forgot about Marie same-day. This is the type of maniac that you run into in ‘THE B’. The fact that Brockton is a sanctuary City attracts bottom feeders like this just adds to the ratchet factor. If you ride the BAT bus, you will encounter this- and many other tools trying to stay warm. This is just one reason downtown looks like an apocalypse movie. Tons of beautiful old buildings…. completely empty.

  • Shameless
    April 6, 2018 at 12:09 pm

    Turtleboy should have a ratchet pageant. Another commenter used the term “RILF” and I have to believe there’s a lot of followers that have their own favorites.

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