Smiles And Sunshine

Turtleboy’s 2016 Naughty List #75-51

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Editor’s Note: Jorge Zambrano and David Njuguna both killed police officers this year. We kept them off this list because Turtleboy is all about the satire. What these two pieces of garbage did cannot be satirized. 

This year we have chronicled an epidemic of naughtiness on Turtleboy Sports. And since today is Christmas Eve it’s time to announce our naughty list for 2016, to see who’s earned a big lump of coal in their stocking from Santa Turtleboy. There’s sooooo many to choose from, so we had to shorten the list down to 125, which we will be breaking down into five parts in our countdown to see who was the naughtiest of them all this year. Since we don’t really have the time to explain what each and every one of these slug rakes did to earn their way onto our naughty list, we summed it up with a simple Haiku for each, as well as a link to the blogs about them so you can relive their naughtiness. Here’s #7551!!

75. Chris Lo – Springfield middle finger Dad

Dad teaches his kid

To flip bird at police man

Cuz….black livesm matter

Springfield Dad Trains Child To Give Middle Finger To Police Officers, Posts Them On Facebook


74. Emma Wiley

This Salem State chick

Must have been wicked hungry

Cuz she ate cop’s ear

Does This Look Like A Girl Who Bit A Salem Cop’s Ear Off And Threatened To Kill All Cops After She Was Arrested For A Bar Fight?


73. Brittany Wetherell

Every good party

Has fat chick fight cops in bra

Welcome to Taunton

Legendary Ratchet Crashes 1 Year Old’s Birthday Party, Has To Be Removed By Cops, Strips Down To Bra, Punches And Mule Kicks Cops, Get Tased, Doesn’t Stop Rampage


72. Angelica Santosuossa

Lowest of the low

Beats poor dog until it pees

Turtleboy justice

Brockton Ratchet Recorded Beating Dog With Broom On Video Until It Pisses Itself, “Her Man” Says It’s Illegal To Share The Video And They Have Hired A Lawyer!


71. Charlton Drive By Rappers

Kids walking on street

Challenged to a rap battle

C-Town is scary

Charlton Police Report Drive By Rappers Challenge Boys To Rap Battle, Leads To Hilarious Facebook Commentary


70. Facebook

Suspends Turtleboy

Every other fucking day

But they can’t stop us

Facebook Executive Lies: Says Employees Review 1 Million Reports Per Day On Same Day Turtleboy Is Suspended Another 30 Days For Nothing


69. Maria Daley

Messaged Turtleboy

To investigate the chief

Turns out she did it

Millbury Cop’s Wife Who Lied About Burglary, Spray Painted “BLM” On Her Home, Messaged Us To Complain The Chief Was Not Investigating Her Lies


68. Alec Larson

Anti-Cop Hampshire Snowflake Alec Larson Worked For Company That Built The Malden Police Station


67. Mike Jerry and Nate Pickens

Had an awesome deal

Stealing taxpayer money

Then we ruined it

Mike Jerry And Nate Pickens Call Councilor Gaffney Racist At Mosaic Meeting, Get Dragged Out By Cops

Mosaic Employee Who Petty Gave Key To The City Arrested For Property Destruction, Disorderly Conduct, Resisting Arrest


66. Danielle Spring

Loves her Hillary

So sad about election

Wants to kill people


65. Jamie Davenport

Makes up a story

Bout helping black kids on train

Pats herself on back

Thousands Of Dumb White People Shared SJW’s Made Up Story About Racism On The MBTA


64. Nicole Sanborn

Son runs from the cops

Then cop gets hit by a car

Blames cop for running

Mother Blaming Police, Mocking Cop Who Was Hit By Car Chasing Her Felon Son Who Said “That’s What He Gets For Chasing Me”


63. Mike Oppong

Has no idea

What the fuck he is doing

Fucks over his coach

Turns Out The Doherty Football Player Made Up The Anthem Suspension So He Could Become A Twitter Famous Victim Of Racial Injustice, Live Tweets During School Hours


62. Ed Augustus

Forgets to plow roads

Over and over again

Still gets new contract

There Were 60 Car Accidents In Five Hours Because Ed Augustus Forgot To Sand The Roads Again

Ed Augustus Is Refunding People With Taxpayer Money Who Got Towed Because He Screwed Up


61. Dirt bikers

Babies do wheelies

With no seatbelt or helmets

Nothing wrong with that!

Top 10 Fan Mail Hate Messages Turtleboy Got From Dirt Bikers This Week

Facebook Badasses Defending Reckless Dad Doing Wheelies With Baby On Dirt Bike Because Turtleboy Is A Pansy Libtard SJW


60. Jim Manzello/Holy Name Administration

Won’t sign kids waiver

But they’ve recruited long time

Butthurt he transferred

Holy Name AD Jim Manzello Recruited Players For Years, Won’t Sign Waiver For Kevin Mensah Because He’s An Adult Who Thinks He Owns A Kid And Wants To Destroy His Future


59. Brookfield boners

Goes to the bone zone

By elementary school

Poor guy gets blue balls

Lovebirds Caught Boning Midthrust Outside Of Brookfield Elementary School Should Probably Finish Quicker Next Time Or Wait Until It’s Warm Out


58. Lying Albany chicks

Says racists jumped them

Hillary tweets her support

Turns out they did it

Turns Out The SUNY-Albany Black Woman Who Says She Was Attacked By 10-12 White Men And Got Support From Hillary Clinton Was Making It All Up

Just Like We Called It: Black SUNY Albany Students Who Said They Were Attacked By Racist White Mob Were Lying And Now They’re Being Charged


57. Coach/youth football player Juan Aponte

Nineteen year old coach

Suits up against little kids

Still gets his ass kicked

Turns Out Youth Football Coach Who Suited Up Against 13 Year Olds Is 19 Year Old Juan Aponte And Him And The Head Coach Are Kicked Out Forever


56. Brian Ponder

Internet lawsuit

From alleged rapist lawyer

Worst lawsuit ever

Laywer Who Tried Suing Turtleboy Is Accused Of Raping This Drugged Client And Squatting In A Mansion Of A Dead Client That He Doesn’t Own

Brian Ponder Sends Letter To Turtleboy, Threatening Lawsuit For Printing Fax He Sent Doherty High School Threatening Them With Potential Lawsuit


55. Breanna Magrath

Leaves baby in car

While she’s buying Newport Lights

Thinks this is normal

Video: New Bedford Trap Queen Leaves Baby In Running Car For 5 Minutes While She Buys Scratch Tickets And Cigarettes

New Bedford Mom Who Left Baby In Car Is Being Charged, Facebook Geniuses Offer Brilliant Hot Takes


54. Boo Shameek

Was getting free cash

Blew it all with Facebook posts

Nice going moron

Gangsta Deadbeat Mosaic Employee Who Refuses To Pay Child Support Is Brenda Jenkins’ Son



53. Seven Hills Charter School


Signs held by charter school kids

That were plagiarized

Turns Out The Seven Hills Charter School Microaggressions Were Plagiarized From Buzzfeed, Superintendent Krista Piazza Made Kids Lie


52. Joe Early

Prison not working

He lets criminals go free

This one is on him

District Attorney Joe Early Admits He Didn’t Lock Up Jorge Zambrano After Assaulting Cops Because “Prison Wasn’t Working For Him”


51. Katie Giorgio

Chick pretends to be

Thinks she is Charlton cop

Gets rid of Facebook

Spencer Woman’s Facebook Page Who Pretended To Be Charlton Cop, Claims To Be Friends With Ron Tarentino And Thomas Clardy Is Insane





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1 Comment(s)
  • Turd Burglestein
    December 24, 2016 at 9:30 pm


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