Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Round 1: Cheesehog Region – Vote For Which Ratchets Should Advance To Next Round
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The results of the first round of voting in the Cheesehog region of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness are in. Here are the ratchets who will be advancing to the next round:
Couple upsets there. Obviously Busgate parents going down in the first round was shocking. People must really hate Kevin Lynch. I can’t believe the Hamilton Street driveway dumper is out in the first round. She was my sleeper pick for the final four. I mean, she took a friggin dump in a guy’s driveway on video, and when he asked her what she was doing she said, “taking a shit.” That’s the most ratchet thing I’ve ever heard. Sammie Holland pulled off the 12-5 classic. We also almost lost our 1-2 seeds, but the Busgate parents and Joe Amoroso live to see another day. We’ll find out next week if either of them advance to the Sweet 16.
On to the Cheesehog region now….
Once again, we’ll be previewing each matchup with a link to a blog about each ratchet in their names, and some of the highlights of how they made it into the field…..
The blubber was flying at the Auburn Mall as these cheesehogs exchanged fisticuffs and leaked their Christmas gravy out of every oriface in front of a horrified Santa Claus.
Drunk driver, kicked Chicopee cop in the balls when she wouldn’t get off her cell phone during OUI stop.
Vile cosplay trashbag steals costumes meant to entertain children.
Elected State Rep from Brockton tips off drug dealers that federal agents were conducting a raid, then starts an illegal GoFundMe to profit off of her other illegal activity.
19 year old wannabe hardo jumps another woman outside of a bar where she was drinking underage. After the fight she tells the videographer, “gang shit my nigga.” Turns out this is pretty much a weekly occurrence for her.
Brockton lurchbeast beats her dog until it pees all over her floor on video.
Involved in robbery of heroin dealer as getaway driver for ratchet boyfriend who she claims impregnated her. Veteran of the war against North Korea. Known to send naked pics to other guys in unit who she is trying to latch on to.
Webster Square butterball goes on WCVB News complaining about harassment from respected state trooper. Turns out she’s a ranting lunatic who has been hauled off to the looney bin several times, shared condolences for cop killer Jorge Zambrano, and stalked and harassed trooper Holden.
Perhaps the most well known Facebook con-artists in Massachusetts. Have burned bridges with pretty much everyone they’ve ever had contact with. Destroy places where they live and sell dogs from outside their tent while charging a rehoming fee.
Insane chick pretends to be a Charlton cop on Facebook, and pretends to know and care about two police officers killed in line of duty. Gets busted after giving a Turtlegram reporter a quote at Ron Tarentino’s funeral, revealing that she doesn’t actually work in Charlton.
Junkie girlfriend of guy who killed drug dealer who was probably in the process of banging her when he was killed. More than likely was getting stuffed crust when her boyfriend walked in, she cried rape, and then he hit the victim with a shovel.
Weymouth chick gets in fight in front of women and small children at Patriot’s championship parade. Turns out she’s already Facebook famous for racist rants.
At Murdock High School a local Mom confronts a 16 year old foster child and tells her that her parents don’t love her. Then proceeds to get in hair pulling fight with the 16 year old outside of JV basketball game where her daughter is playing.
Dorchester chick gets in fight with relative and drags them with her car, killing the other woman. Turns out this chick has been in a fight on Mass Ave in broad daylight against a much larger woman as bystanders were told not to break it up.
Trashley Losapio, the daughter of a judge, likes to fuck drug dealers because trashy white suburban chicks like this think get a thrill out of it. Her boyfriends brother then murders a cop. Turns out she was previously investigated by the Attorney General by giving up information on state’s witnesses to gangstas. Her boyfriend is later revealed to have scammed many old women out of thousands of dollars and is a deadbeat Dad.
Former Shrewsbury firefighter fired after trying to bang his 15 year old babysitter while she was sleeping. Later changes name on Facebook and starts price gauging Hatchimals on Facebook at Christmas.
We will announce the winners tomorrow. Up next is the Chudstuffer region! If you think the choices are hard now, wait until you see what the next few rounds bring. Who is your prediction to win the whole thing and take home the ratchet crown?
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