Democratic Debate Live Blog: Why I’m Voting For Elizabeth Warren And So Should You
Closing thoughts: No one did anything to elevate their profile in the polls People with dicks can get abortions Trump…
Cheese Whiz Chunkarinos Blame Boston Police For Shooting 19 Year Old Who Shot At A Boston Cop
The Boston Police shot and killed some shithead the other day after the perp started shooting at them. A…
Bovine Blowfish RMV Head Resigns In Disgrace, Digs Plot In Turtleboy Graveyard For Letting Boris Clitoris Get His CDL
In an unexpected turn of events, we have added another headstone to the Turtleboy graveyard. The head of the…
Meet Alexander Flores: The Great Barrier Queef Who Parked His Car Next To A Lawrence Fire Hydrant During A 3 Alarm Fire
We’ve identified the great barrier queef whose Honda Accord got penetrated by the Lawrence Fire Department because the driver…
Hector Hennessy Gets Shitcocked, Smashes Into Pole On Route 9 In Leicester, Tries To Walk Away, Fails DUI Test With Ghetto Hokey Pokey Rendition
Some folks in People of Leicester Facebook group were trying to find out why their lights went out yesterday…
Brother In Law Of Boris Clitoris Says That He Hasn’t Left Room Since Killing 7 Bikers In New Hampshire, Except His Sister’s Snapface Says Otherwise
A turtle rider emailed us yesterday with some inside information about Volodymyr Zhukovskyy, AKA Boris Clitoris, the truck driver who…
Westfield Transportation Should Burn In Hell For Hiring Boris Clitoris Despite Two DUI’s And Drug Arrests, As Well As A Long History Of Violations And Cutting Corners
In the last 24 hours we’ve learned even more disturbing news about Boris Clitoris, the truck driver arrested yesterday…
Can We Please Find Out The Identity Of The Great Barrier Queef Who Parked Next To A Fire Hydrant In Lawrence And Got Penetrated By The Fire Department?
There was a fire in Lawrence this weekend and when the cops went to hook their hoses up to…
Lowell Bum Brawl Breaks Out In Broad Daylight Between Rival Hoodboogers Blue Buffalo And The Crimson Crackhead, Hilarity Ensues
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information. Mondays are always…
Prepubescent Peter Was Just Arrested For Killing The 7 Bikers In NH, Russians Telling Turtleboy That He’s A Cokehead Who Went To The Beach The Next Day
The driver responsible for killing 7 bikers in New Hampshire on Friday afternoon was arrested today. But it looks…
Prepubescent Peter Who Drove Truck That Killed 7 Bikers In NH Has Criminal Record, Videos Doing Donuts In Work Parking Lot, Filming Himself While Driving, Ratchet Vernacular
Seven bikers died in a horrific accident with a truck in upstate New Hampshire on Friday. They were part…
Shady Brockton Businessman Billy Baklava Uses Fake Nonprofit To Prey On Mentally Disabled People Who He Assaults And Tries To Con Out Of Their Cars
The Middleborough Police announced this weekend that they’d arrested a Brockton man set to open a business in their…
Crian Waters Says It’s Good That He Lost His Lawsuit Against Me Because…..I’m Committing A Felony Before Show Cause Hearing?
Despite Crian Waters having his lawsuit against Turtleboy thrown out by a judge, AND having that same judge make…
McLean’s Hospital In Lincoln Forgot To Tell Neighbors That Creepy Hollywood Serial Sex Creep Max Landis Is Now A Guest There
Screenwriter and filmmaker Max Landis has been all over the news this week after 8 women came forward and…
Douchebag Of The Week: Sturbridge Chud Prevents Little Girl In Wheelchair From Accessing Van By Parking In Ramp Designated Handicapped Spot
Here’s your douchebag handicapped spot thief of joy du jour out of Sturbridge. As you can see, this individual…
Dog Murdering, Woman Beating, Deadbeat Dad Rian Waters’s Bullshit Lawsuit Against Turtleboy Was Dismissed And The Judge Destroyed Him In Her Ruling
Judge Mulqueen issued her ruling today dismissing Rian Waters stupid, time wasting lawsuit against us in a scathing,…
Judge Blocks ICE From Making Arrests At Massachusetts Courthouses, Making MA a De Facto Sanctuary State
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information. Immigration and illegal aliens (or undocumented…
Stinky Poo Poo Butt And Slam Donkey Wife Spend Week Harassing Leominster, Worcester, Lancaster Police With Mixed Results
This grimy ball of transfat and pubic hair is Josh Russell from somewhere in Texas. He’s evidently moved to…
The Rhode Island ACLU Has Taken My Case Against Failure Swift And Issued A Press Release, Now You’s Can’t Leave
I mentioned this on the podcast, but I haven’t written about it yet because I didn’t want to do…
Let Em Walk Walker Found Blackstone House Of Horrors Mom Not Guilty Of Murder Because Her Dead Dogs Had More Value Than Her Dead Kids
Here’s the least predictable news ever: She was not guilty the moment she got Janet “Let em walk” Walker…
