Smiles And Sunshine

Turtleboy’s 2016 Naughty List #100-76

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Editor’s Note: Jorge Zambrano and David Njuguna both killed police officers this year. We kept them off this list because Turtleboy is all about the satire. What these two pieces of garbage did cannot be satirized. 

This year we have chronicled an epidemic of naughtiness on Turtleboy Sports. And since today is Christmas Eve it’s time to announce our naughty list for 2016, to see who’s earned a big lump of coal in their stocking from Santa Turtleboy. There’s sooooo many to choose from, so we had to shorten the list down to 125, which we will be breaking down into five parts in our countdown to see who was the naughtiest of them all this year. Since we don’t really have the time to explain what each and every one of these slug rakes did to earn their way onto our naughty list, we summed it up with a simple Haiku for each, as well as a link to the blogs about them so you can relive their naughtiness.  Here’s #10076!!

100. Donna Rodeheffer 

Gutterslug mother

With sex offender boyfriend

Can go fuck herself

Danielson/Webster “Mom” Arrested After Starving, Toothless, Diapered, 3-5-6 Year Old Children Discovered Living With Child Sex Abuser Boyfriend


99. Hector Pineiro

Huge scumbag lawyer

Skag client fucks him over

Karma is a bitch

Karma: Hector Pineiro’s Latest Police Brutality Lawsuit Blows Up After Witness Admits It Never Happened


98. Jim McGovern

Runs crime family

Safety pin guards his nani

Redefines useless

Is There Anything More Emasculating Than Wearing A Safety Win Because You Don’t Feel Safe Because Your Candidate Lost?

Congressman Are Throwing a Hissy-Fit Sit-In Right Now Because They Didn’t Get Their Way, This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things


97. Josh and Kacey Crombie

Tried to fight the cops

Got fucked up on video

Cried about boo-boos

All-Star Webster Hoodrats Attack Webster Cops, Get Their Asses Beat, Write Historically Moronic Things On Facebook

NECN Interviewed The Webster Ratchets Who Are Now Whining That The Webster Cops Were Mean To Them And Should Be Fired


96. Boy who won the girl’s 100 meter dash in Alaska

Dude with a penis

Says he’s transgender

So he can race girls

Boy Finishes 5th In Girls 100 Meter State Championship Because This Is The Door That SJW’s Have Opened Up


95. Jamie Eldridge

Racist Senator

He says that black lives matter

But has no black friends

Turtleboy Shamed Jamie Eldridge, Mass State Senate To Changing Vote For Bullet Proof Vests For Cops


94. Alex Morse

SJW Mayor

Pretends to be a victim

So morons donate

Holyoke Mayor Alex Morse Wrote An Email To Supporters Asking To Donate $ To His Campaign Because Of “Threatening” Letter He Wrote To Himself


93. Judge Janet Kenton-Walker

Let em walk walker

Makes sure killers stay on street

Two last names, nuff said

Judge Janet Kenton-Walker Won’t Try Man Suspected In Killing 2 State’s Witnesses Even Though There’s So Much Evidence Against Him


92. Dianna Demore

Gets off probation

Decides to sell heroin

In Warren trailer

Warren Woman Brags About Getting Off Probation, Immediately Gets Arrested Selling Heroin In Warren Trailer Park


91. Gordon Davis

Sues Turtleboy Sports

For pointing out he’s crazy

But, he is crazy

Judge In Real Courtroom Throws Out Crazy Man Gordon Davis’ $153K Lawsuit Against Turtleboy Because He Is In Fact Crazy


90. Karen Webber

Won’t let columnists

Tell the truth about stories

Turtle on the brain

The Turtlegram Pulled Dianne Williamson’s Column Blaming Turtleboy For The Fake Petty And Rivera Facebook Pages Because We Own Their Brain


89. Rod and Lyndell Hart

Want to play race card

So they adopt black child

Gay people hate them

Greenfield Dad Told Black Son That His Neighbor “May Be” A Racist Cop Trying To Kill Him, Wants Sgt. McCarthy To Beg For Forgiveness, And Thinks He’s Part Black Now

Greenfield Dad #2 Showed Up At His Kids School, Verbally Abused Female Teacher In Aggressive Manner, Videotaped Children, Had Cops Called On Him


88. Bowdoin College snowflakes

Kids wear sombreros

SJW’s are offended

What else is new?

Breaking News: We Found Pictures Of Bowdoin College Passing Out “Silly” Sombreros At 2015 Reunion To Both Alumni And Students


87. Lena Dunham


Everyone hates her

Allowed to speak at DNC

Hillary loses

Lena Dunham Thinks That Odell Beckham Jr. Should Want To Drill Her Because She Assumes Black Guys Can’t Resist Disgusting Short Haired White Women


86. Pamela Paquin 

Road kill scavenger

Thinks she is Davey Crocket

Wants to fight TB

Southbridge Hippie Who Sells Roadkill Fur Has Declared War On “Pussy” Turtleboy


85. Adam Saleh

Gets kicked off of plane

Says it’s cuz of Arabic

But he’s just a poon

Anyone Who Believed Adam Saleh Was Kicked Off His Delta Flight Because He Spoke In Arabic Is A Dumbshit Moron


84. The Hamilton Street dumper

Guy looks out window

Sees chick taking a huge shit

Welcome to Worcester

Guy Freaking Out At 16 Year Old Girl Shitting In His Driveway Is The Most Worcester Video Ever Created



83. Ilyse Levine-Kanji

Westboro School board

Bites DMV employee

Because she is nuts

Crazy Lady Who Bit RMV Employee Is Chairman Of Westborough School Committee And Was Also Arrested For Punching Woman At Pool In 2013


82. Alex Bezanson

Dooshnozzle intern

Connected and protected

Now he looks stupid

Local Fuckboi Martha Coakley Intern Leads Cops On Drunken High Speed Chase, Morons Defend Him For Making “Mistake”


81. Korryn Gaines

Puts gun to kid’s head

So the swat team must kill her

SJW’s are sad

Sorry BLM, The Arrest Video Shows That The World Is A Better Place Without Korryn Gaines


80. The Gralinski trashbag family from Coventry

Calls firemen ISIS

For flying red white and blue

Someone please punch them

Coventry Fire District Head Calls Firefighters Terrorists For Having American Flag On Truck And His Sons Are Real Winners Too


79. Maiya Cruz

Crazy Southbridge chick

Tries to burn down the Walmart

Farted near propane

Southbridge Hoodrat Who Tried Burning Down Sturbridge Walmart Says Voices Made Her Do It, Is Suffering From Nice Booty Syndrome And Might Be A Serial Arsonist


78. Ruth Terry

Wants to bone this guy

But he’s a sex offender

Picks him over kid

Turtleboy Invesitages: Convicted Sex Offender Living With Girlfriend’s 12 Year Old Daughter In Webster


77. Joe Curtatone

Cops don’t like banner

Mayor tells them to fuck off

Most punchable face

Mayor Joe Curtatone Refusing Somervile Police Department’s Request To Take Down Black Lives Matter Banner From City Hall


76. Judy Davis

Son is whiny bitch

Says professor is racist

Tapes white kids in class

Insane Mom Secretly Records Son’s Class At Salem State, Says She Wants To Join ISIS, Calls Professor Racist, Yells At Cops, Demands Meeting With Administrators




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6 Comment(s)
  • Turd Burglestein
    December 24, 2016 at 11:51 am

    Those haikus definitely add a nice summation to their stories.

    • GoneWest
      December 24, 2016 at 11:53 am

      I fucking hate them

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        December 24, 2016 at 2:16 pm

        You’re fucking miserable. it’s amazing how 9 times out of 10 you come here to complain. Go get laid, GoneSoft.

        • Greg
          December 24, 2016 at 2:31 pm

          Fiesty do you think you will land first or second on this list you trashy, child neglecting ratchet slug rake?

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            December 24, 2016 at 2:41 pm

            Mmmm… I have obviously deeply upset you. This turns me on!

            That condiment cup under your tree contains a set of balls for you to attach back on to your body. Hang them somewhere from the labia that currently resides in your pants, pussy.

        • GoneWest
          December 24, 2016 at 3:07 pm

          This entire blog is dedicated to complaining

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