Smiles And Sunshine

Turtleboy’s 2016 Naughty List #25-1

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Editor’s Note: Jorge Zambrano and David Njuguna both killed police officers this year. We kept them off this list because Turtleboy is all about the satire. What these two pieces of garbage did cannot be satirized. 

This year we have chronicled an epidemic of naughtiness on Turtleboy Sports. And since today is Christmas Eve it’s time to announce our naughty list for 2016, to see who’s earned a big lump of coal in their stocking from Santa Turtleboy. There’s sooooo many to choose from, so we had to shorten the list down to 125, which we will be breaking down into five parts in our countdown to see who was the naughtiest of them all this year. Since we don’t really have the time to explain what each and every one of these slug rakes did to earn their way onto our naughty list, we summed it up with a simple Haiku for each, as well as a link to the blogs about them so you can relive their naughtiness. Here’s #25-1!!

25. Sarai Rivera

Vagina is strong

A penis cannot do that

Super Ti-Ti Ho

Only In Worcester: Councilor Sarai Rivera Explains Why Her Vagina Is Better Than A Penis

Councilor Sarai Rivera Doesn’t Shovel Snow At Her Abandoned Church, Endangering Children, Elderly, And Disabled

City Is Using Taxpayer $$ To Raze Councilor Sarai Rivera’s “Church” As She And Her Husband Hold Rally Against Racism And Hate Speech


24. Colin Kaepernick

Backup quarterback

Says he’s fighting oppression

In Castro T-shirt

Colin Kaepernick (Blaine Gabbert’s Backup) Refusal To Stand For National Anthem Because Of Imaginary Racism Is The Saddest Protest Of All Time


23. Orne Family

Spencer trashbuckets

Assaulted teacher at school

Whined about boo-boos

Turns Out The Spencer Ratchet And Her Sister Assaulted A Teacher At David Prouty, Put Her In The Hospital, And DCF Investigated The Teacher For “Assaulting” Her Sister


22. Marcus Rodriguez

Too dumb to pass school

Sends Snapchat death threats instead

Never getting laid

Here’s The SnapChat Threats To Turn Auburn High School Into Columbine That Marcus Rodriguez Sent, Free My Boi Patrol Chimes In With Hot Takes


21. Trigglypuff

Triggered by Milo

Arm fat flailing everywhere

Fat chicks need safe space

This UMass Social Justice Warrior Is The Worst Person Who Has Ever Lived


20. Jennifer Booth

Goes to Macs Diner

Leaves bad review on Facebook

Destroyed by waitress

Mac’s Diner Facebook Page And Waitress Just Annihilated A Whiny Customer Who Wrote A Negative Facebook Review


19. Giancarlo Zambrano

Bootleg contractor

Scams old ladies from money

Punk as bitch brother

Giancarlo Zambrano Left Threatening Voicemail For Turtle Rider, Trying To Collect $6,200

Arrest Warrant Issued For Giancarlo Zambrano For Not Showing Up In Court And Stealing $7,000 From A Nice Boston Lady


18. Denise Dirth and Michael Chaplin

Lied about fire

Made firefighters look bad

And faked pregnancy

The Orange Couple Who Lied About Firefighters Letting Two Girls Die Have Been Lying About Being Pregnant For Months On Facebook


17. Jennie Chenkin

Looks like little boy

Good at Internet lawsuits

But can’t find safe space

This Thing Just Wrote The Most Insane Email Ever Demanding An Apology To Her And Trigglypuff


16. Shaun King/Black lives matter

Called black lives matter

Really just hate the police

Cop banged their girlfriend

Black Lives Matter Is A Terrorist Group – They Don’t Get To Distance Themselves From Baton Rouge Police Killings


15. Becky Monson

If you call yourself

A plus sized Worcester model

You’re really just fat

Worcester “Plus Sized” Model Says It’s Hilarious And Awesome That Five Dallas Cops Were Killed Because Of Karma


14. Maura Healey

State sponsored safe space

But supports woman beater

And so full of shit

Maura Healey, Jim McGovern, Joe Petty Are Standing By Woman Beater Moses Dixon, Calls Turtleboy’s Lead Of Restraining Order “Ugly, Baseless Attack By The GOP”

Thank God Maura Healey Has Created A Safespace Hotline For Those Of Us Triggered By Election Results


13. Heather Philip

Says she’s bartender

Which is code for a stripper

Fucked a cop killer

Jorge Zambrano’s Enabling Girlfriend Heather Philip Got His Pit Bull Back – How Is She Not In Jail?

These Are The People Who Owned The Car Driven By Auburn Cop’s Murderer



12. Laughlin Kennel

Dickbags from Oxford

Selling sick puppies for cash

TB shut them down

Oh Look, Laughlin Kennel Sold Another Sick Dog For $1,800 That Died


11. Mainstream media

Dying industry

In the bag for Hillary

Everyone hates them

Is The Telegram And Gazette Advertising On Turtleboy Sports The Greatest Sign Of Defeat In The History Of Media?


10. Auburn Mall Cheesehogs

Fought in Auburn Mall

Everyone saw their panties

We are scarred for life

Epic Fight Between Hoodrat Gravy Dumpsters At Auburn Mall As Santa And Small Children Watch In Horror

Meet The Two Worcester Cheesehogs At The Center Of The Auburn Mall Donnybrook


9. Kailey Elizabeth Carlson

Junkie from Plymouth

Scams people for drug money

Turtlegirl exposed

Plymouth Dumpsterslug Facebook Scam Artists Part 2 – They Hired Attorney Dick N. Vulva For Massive Lawsuit Vs. South Shore Turtlegirl


8. Victoria Stankiewicz

After trooper died

She said he once made her late

For birthday party

Local Woman Doesn’t Mind That Trooper Thomas Clardy Was Killed Because He Made Her Late To Her 30th Birthday Party

Turns Out Woman With “Mixed Feelings” About Trooper Clardy’s Death Is An “Actress” From Hadley With A Hilarious IMBD Page


7. Mel Taylor

Rhode Island trashbag

Can barely write in English

Raising skag daughter

RI Dad Sends Lynch Mob After Hood Rat, Says He Attacked Daughter, Video Shows She Is Lying, Court Records Show He Is Hypocrite

Coventry RI Dad Mel Taylor Is Back And He’s Sending Dick Pics And Allegedly Ripping Off Alzheimer’s Customers


6. Mosaic Cultural Complex

Says they’re doing work

Turtleboy gets their timesheets

Go bye bye bitches

Freedom Of Information Act Request: Michael Jerry Stole $8,576 From Taxpayers While Lying On Mosaic Time Sheets


5. Colrain

Inbred capital

Stay reppin Colrain for life

You bet your biscuits

Top 15 Most Colrain Comments From Turtleboy’s War With Colrain


4. Kevin Hayes and Tracy Crowe

Fucking with students

Overthrown by Turtleboy

Don’t poke the turtle

Crowd Loses Its Mind When Kevin Hayes Silences A David Prouty Student Who Tried To Speak At School Committee Meeting

Major Ethics Violation: Tracy Crowe Is Paying (Bribing) Kevin Hayes To Do Work On Her House So That She Will Remain Employed As Superintendent


3. Ashley Losapio

Grafton Hill floozy

Likes to get drilled by gangsters

Daddy bails her out

Judge’s Daughter Who Is Dating Jorge Zambrano’s Brother Works For Probation Office And Was Investigated For Giving Confidential Information To Criminals


2. Missy and Jason Iorio

Vile Athol chuds

Maury Povich All-Star vets

World’s biggest scumbags

Is This Athol Ratchet Forcing A Mentally Challenged Woman To Have Her Husband’s Children And Then Pretend The Children Are Her’s?

Illiterate Ratchet Athol Mom And Stolen Valor Dad Keep Contacting Fox 25 News With Made Up Story About Son Getting Beaten At School For Defending Autistic Student

Local Woman Profiting Off Of Death Of Little Girls In Orange Fire By Selling Bows In Their “Honor,” Donating Proceeds To Nonexistent Charity


  1. He who shall not be named

Good with nine iron

Stalks Turtleboy on Facebook

For massive lawsuit

Former Fitchburg Mayoral Candidate Is Declaring War On Mayor Dinatale For Making Him Shovel His Sidewalk

Kevin Lynch Is The Greatest Turtleboy Villain Ever And He Got Our Facebook Page Shut Down For A Week

Kevin Lynch Has Made A Page Where He’s Putting Random People’s Pictures Up And Saying They Are Turtleboy As He Plans Massive Lawsuit

Breaking News: Kevin Lynch Got Turtleboy Sports Facebook Page Suspended For Another 30 Days


Merry Christmas to turtle riders everywhere!! And everyone else can jump on board or eat shit!



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31 Comment(s)
  • Turd Burglestein
    December 26, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    You should pin this post to the top until New Years Day.

    • Kailey elizabeth carlson
      December 26, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you Kevin. I love the name cheese doodles, as opposed to heroine. I my self have been calling it reindeer food.
      As of right now it’s a tie between Fitchburg, and the pipeline protest camps.

    December 26, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Listen here Turtleboy and all you posters do you know who I am??? I’m the fucking Mayor of Fitchburg for Christs sake!!!! I work for the FBI!!! I will punch you in the mouth!!!!! Lawsuits are coming for all of you!!!!!!! The cops poisoned my fucking dog!!!!

    • Coffee
      December 26, 2016 at 11:58 am

      You are the mayor of one hell of a shitty city.
      Also S.S turtle girl were all waiting for our very late Christmas gift. Part 3.

      • Kailey elizabeth carlson
        December 26, 2016 at 12:01 pm

        Hay Kevin. I’m thinking about moving to Fitchburg with my husband. Do you guys have couples shelters? Preferably ones that except cats and dogs.

        • KEVIN LYNCH
          December 26, 2016 at 12:51 pm

          More couples homeless shelters is included in my 5 step plan to make Fitchburg great again.

          1. There seems to be a lot of crime in the city so the solution is simple. Fire all of the police! Less cops = less arrests resulting in less crime!

          2. Lots of talk in the news these days about heroin abuse. Simple solution is rename it from heroin to something less scary like Cheeze Doodles. Then when the hospital reports another Cheeze Doodle overdose it won’t sound so bad.

          7. Nothing makes a city more attractive to new business and hard working professionals like homeless shelters, methadone clinics, welfare offices and a few well placed FAC’s (Free Abortion Clinics). We open more of these facilities and before you know it new people will be willing to even sleep outside just so they don’t lose their spot in line!

          5. Rename the city ‘Lynchville’ and legalize gay prostitution!

  • Independent Thinker
    December 26, 2016 at 8:15 am

    When is the AG going to investigate Ashley, and her alleged ties to druggies?

    Then you wonder why our justice system is the way it is with all of these losers allegedly supervising parolees. Government at its finest!

    • ashley
      December 28, 2016 at 4:36 pm

      Ashley is blowing the DA – that’s why there’s no investigation.

  • Fatfingr Lou
    December 25, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    God Bless all of the special creatures TB. Life is short. Agree, disagree, toss some garbage.
    Thank you for a forum.
    Buon Natale!

  • Terrance
    December 25, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    Did you get new binoculars for christmas kevipoo?
    The pictures in Dave’s phone from the evidence lock up are spectacular

      December 26, 2016 at 12:38 am

      Listen you freak. There was nothing on that phone and it wasnt in evidence as the cop stole it. He forcibly stole the fucking phone and kept it.

      • Turd Burglestein
        December 26, 2016 at 6:18 am

        Awww…did you lose all your dick pics when that happened? Don’t worry bro…just post your number here and I’m sure someone here will send you a dick attack for the holidays.

      • Emily's Boy Toy
        December 26, 2016 at 11:20 am

        Merry Christmas, Murderer!

    December 25, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Turtlebitch has me blocked off of Turtleboy sports. They are afraid that I would call out many of the freak looser turtle riders on their own shit.

    I accept the honor of number one agitator of turtlebitches. I am a proud social justice warrior.

    I am so glad that they ate finally going to remove the Turtleboy statute downtown. It is a symbol of racism and a mecca for pedophiles as it has become the golden calf for pedophiles like matty and brett.

    What happened to Brett anyhow? This new year I will be starting up my own blog. This blog will out ALL loyal turtlriders. Some will be forced out of their closets. Drug habits revealed ,old and active.

    We will out local Republicans and their corruption. We will reveal that Aiden has a extremely small penis which is causing serious mental health conditions. Stay tuned.

    In the meantime send me my free hooded sweatshirt along with a coffee mug that I promise to use exclusively for a urine cup which I will then weekly shower the statute downtown with.

    Merry Christmas Freaks and stalkers.

    • Turd Burglestein
      December 25, 2016 at 1:04 pm

      Bet you $10 you can’t flush me.

    • Toby
      December 25, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      Kevin, are you still trying to expose everyone? Creating fake accounts to get inside? I know what it is you just want to be part of the group.

    • Wabbitt
      December 25, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      You don’t even live in Worcester, you nut case. You’re going to schlep down from the dirty burg on the reg?

      Oh… Right…. You don’t have to go to work, so I suppose you have nothing but free time to ramble on Facebook and plan your next murder.

    • December 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Yo Kev yo momma a fat ugly lazy slob

      Yo grow up to be a pussie

  • Paul Larson
    December 25, 2016 at 10:04 am

    It is kind of amazing to me how much criticism I get from these people who read my posts. I have been criticized by commies, socialists, Democrats and white racists. Just to let you know, I was beaten at Parris Island by a black Marine recruit for “trying to pass for white…You are nothing but a Brazilian coffee bean” he told me just before the beating started. I nearly choked him to death and I broke a giant DI’s nose who tried to put a naked strangle on me.

    Dr. Ben Carson sent me a card that I carry to this day saying I was number 48 in his organization; I had supported him from way, way back.

    As far as Realist goes, the Democrats have only used blacks, they have not helped them. Thomas Paine wrote in 1786 that: “Freedom is destroyed by DEPENDENCE.” Now, where do Black Lives Matter demonstrate. In cities.

    And cities are controlled by Democrats. Republicans control suburbs and rural areas. Democrats are taking away blacks’ freedom by making them dependent on taxpayer handouts. And jobs have been disappearing while Dems ran the show.

    Republicans are capitalists, and now that Republicans have gotten rid of the Democrats’ slavery system, capitalism is all about freedom of choice. Like the coal miner who gets paid to dig coal. He can enjoy his Christmas. If you don’t want to buy it, you don’t have to buy it, unlike Social Security, Medicare and Obamacare. If you want to buy it, you can. That is freedom of choice and it goes right along with the U.S. Constitution.

    That is the American way.

    Paul Larson

    • Sal Monella
      December 25, 2016 at 10:36 am

      Your posts are quite informative, accurate but very long. You take your position very seriously, and should, as the history of our great Nation is being rewritten to serve one particular narrative. Many here, myself included, agree with your position.

      That being said many see this site as something else, an offbeat look at the offbeat world we live in. A fun place to troll, vent or just sit back and laugh!

      Perhaps an impedance mismatch exists?

      • Paul Larson
        December 25, 2016 at 12:34 pm

        Thank you Sal. Maybe if some of the social justice warriors would join our military, we could defend our Constitution against Shuria Law and socialism, the new slavery. It makes sense that socialists, who believe in government-imposed slavery would tolerate a religion that fundamentally believes in slavery. Boca Haram, for instance. By the way, I just bought a great book, The God Who Hates – The Courageous Woman Who Inflamed the Muslim World Speaks Out Against The Evils of Islam, by Wafa Sultan.

        Paul Larson

        • Turd Burglestein
          December 26, 2016 at 6:14 am

          I still think you are missing a golden opportunity to start your own blog. I bet you have a lot of interesting stories to tell and I for one would visit your site. The only reason you’re finding opposition here is because your posts are rarely if ever related to the topic on hand and that’s what comment sections are typically for…to make snark about the people or circumstances relayed by this article, not to share random thoughts about events in your life.

          Let me know if you ever decide to start your own blog. I have a presence in many other social circles where stories related to your service would be appreciated and would be happy to share your posts there and help you build a readership following.

          • December 26, 2016 at 11:05 am

            Thank you Sir. My wife agrees with you, but I am merely responding to lefties who feel it is okay to call Trump Islamophobic or Xenophobic or somehow feels negative about LGBTs and their comments are completely unattached to the subject of the blog.

            Paul Larson

          • BobnMic
            December 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

            Oh so out of the blue you’re going to be nice to Mr. Larson and show a little respect? What happened? A giant block of good smashed you upside your pathetic shit for brains head?

            Well good enough for me if that is what happened and it is about fucking time.

          • Turd Burglestein
            December 27, 2016 at 5:48 am

            Fuck off asshole. I have always been cordial to Paul. Go back and find any post where I’ve ever been an asshole towards him. You won’t find one. As a matter of fact, you’ll find compliments on at least 3 occasions.

            Now go eat a bag of shit covered dicks and take another hit off your meth pipe dickweed.

  • Turd Burglestein
    December 25, 2016 at 7:23 am

    The last line of that haiku for #1 should have been…

    Has very small balls.

  • Pedro the gay hooker
    December 24, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    I think it’s the Turtle ‘boy’ thing that attracts Kevin Lynch.

    I heard he got kicked out of the WalMart parking lot in Fitchburg because they had a sign on the window that said ‘All boys pants half off’ and he went crazy.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    December 24, 2016 at 10:52 pm

    I’d do Kevin Lynch in a heartbeat for free!

  • Nigel VanRobitussen
    December 24, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    #20 seems way too high.

    • Keir Darcey
      December 25, 2016 at 2:29 am

      #20 recovered well. I saw her private response after Turtleboy’s filet. It was brilliant. A photo of a tiara with ‘princess’ in text beneath. The message: Who’s for lunch?

      No one new her personal history. It wasn’t ratchet at all. It was just tragic. But kudos for all for keeping it on topic.

    • GoneWest
      December 25, 2016 at 8:32 am

      Yeah, I don’t know if she’s naughty, but she definitely is one bad bitch. Hottest featured this year? I think she just might be.

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