Turtleboy Investigates

Scientific Study Proves That Turtleboy Is Racist…..Towards White People

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Is Turtleboy racist? That’s what we’ve been told several times by the butthurt patrol. Because apparently we write too many negative stories about people of color:


So we thought we’d do some research to see if this were true or not. Generally in our blogs there are good guys and bad guys. We always make fun of the bad guys. So we analyzed the last 108 primary antagonists from our blogs. Here’s how they break down racially:

White – 71

  1. Sutton power couple
  2.  Greenfield Human Rights Commission
  3.  Holy Name administrators
  4. Holy Cross Professor
  5.  Hillary Clinton
  6.  John Farrell
  7.  Boston College kids
  8.  Joe Petty
  9. unknown crusty woman at the bar
  10.  Royalston Selectboard
  11. Tantasqua/Southbridge superintendent/John
  12. Kevin Blackmer
  13. Southbridge Photo guy
  14. Southbridge Mom who lost 6 kids to DCF
  15. UMass ant-Harambe RA’s
  16. Lena Dunham
  17. Junkie on Green Street
  18. Amy Schumer
  19. Warren Woman arrested right after getting off probation
  20. Drunk Arlington babysitter
  21. New Bedford Mom who left baby in running car 
  22. Colin Kaepernick
  23. Cambridge yuppies
  24. Auburn mall guy in diaper
  25. Dianne Williamson
  26. Ed Augustus
  27. Paul Moosey
  28. Framingham superintendent
  29. East Providence cat killer
  30. Idiot who hit Southbridge cruiser driving 80 mph
  31. SUNY Binghamton SJW’s
  32. Greenfield Dad #1
  33. Mark Zuckerberg
  34. Fox News “sexual harassment” victim
  35.  Westboro School Committee biting Mom
  36. Grizzled lesbians who robbed nun of rosary beads
  37. Kevin Hayes
  38. Homeless boobs profiled in Turtlegram
  39. Narragansett teacher
  40. Southbridge welfare muffs
  41. Leominster pedophile
  42. Hyannis hoodrat with amazing disguise
  43. Ryan Lochte
  44. Spokane moron harassing cops on body camera
  45. Boston Globe cartoonist
  46. The Big E
  47. Bikini panhandler
  48. Spencer junkies
  49. Belorussian ping-pong weenie
  50. Salem State cop biter
  51. Brookline High School
  52. Shawn O’Domski
  53. Maura Healey
  54. Mel Taylor
  55. Leominster SJW
  56. Pro-Panhandler idiots
  57. Swampscott guy who burnt down home
  58. Heather Philip,
  59. Butthurt photographer
  60. Miss Teen USA
  61. Legendary Leominster panhandler
  62. Belly-rubbing panhandler
  63. Jamie Eldridge
  64. Joe Curtatone
  65. Crazy Bernie Babes
  66. Lying MBTA SJW
  67. Josh Sanderski
  68. Cop who shot Charles Kinsey
  69. State Senator Karen Spilka
  70. Ware mugshots
  71. Chicopee second amendment man




Black – 22

  1. Doherty football kid
  2. Brandon Marshall
  3. Clark Chief Diversity Officer
  4. Colin Kaepernick
  5. Chris Brown
  6. Caribbean Festival
  7. Fake Brockton Bishop
  8. Spanky McFarlane
  9. Lil Poopy
  10. Caster Semanya
  11. Sylville Smith
  12. Fake artist Sharinna Travieso
  13. CNN correspondant
  14. Serial rapist
  15. Woman who laughed at Vanessa Marcotte
  16. Julius Jones
  17. Chick who refused to show cop an ID
  18. Worcester fight club
  19. Corryn Gaines
  20. MBTA dooshnozzle
  21. Joseph Appiah
  22. Racist BLM activist


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Latino – 11

  1. Juan Gomez
  2. Holyoke drug dealer
  3. Springfield camel toe ratchets
  4. World’s oldest 35 year old crack dealer
  5. Hoodrat getting arrested at Latin American festival
  6. Southbridge welfare muffs
  7. Sullivan Middle teacher
  8. Brazil
  9. Mambo Drinks
  10. Ted Cruz
  11. Ti-Ti Ho Rivera



Other – 4

  1. Guy who stole the Antonio’s Pizza
  2. Panhandler threatening to vote for Trump
  3. SJW kicked out by Lyft driver
  4. Seattle SJW


They might be right about Turtleboy, It certainly appears as if we are indeed racist…..towards white people. Man, we stick it to whitey hard!!! Here’s the top 20 most popular blogs we’ve ever written (excluding the Top 10 reasons the Patriots cheated blog series), along with the race of the primary antagonist in each:

  1. Worcester plus sized model – WHITE
  2. Pregnant Brockton Fair smoker – WHITE
  3. Joe Amoroso – WHITE
  4. Jorge Zambrano – LATINO
  5. Hampton Beach – WHITE
  6. Ashley Losapio – WHITE
  7. Free college girl – WHITE
  8. Jalapeno Mac and Cheese boy – WHITE
  9. Baby Gangsta  – WHITE
  10. Ware Vibrator Bandits  – WHITE
  11. Newbury Street “harassment” victim – WHITE 
  12. Spencer GoFundMe Ratchets  – WHITE
  13. Ghettofabulous Ginger  – WHITE
  14. Guy beatdown by troopers on live TV  – WHITE
  15. Spencer moron who bragged about assaulting cops on Facebook – WHITE
  16. Trigglypuff – WHITE
  17. Jennie Chenkin – WHITE
  18. Bay Path pot brownie girls – WHITE
  19. Jessica Conway – WHITE
  20. Grafton Hill Rap video – WHITE


Holy Moley!! We must really hate white people. We are sooooo mean to them. Nineteen of the 20 most popular blogs we’ve ever written are just crapping all over poor white folks. There isn’t a single blog about a black person that even comes close. Not one. Get Down Productions is as close as it gets. Keep in mind this list does not include Sonya Conner, Kevin Ksen, Tracy Novick, Old Balls, Dicky Rushton, Joe Early, Loughlin Kennel, Lisa Dyer, Carenza Jackson, Apple Daddy, Bills fans, Busgate parents, Tracy Crowe,  or the thousands of other white victims we’ve shamed d0zens of times.

Do we give people of color a pass if they act foolishly? Of course not. Because it would be racist to treat them differently from white people. We are an equal opportunity shamer. Just ask WANDA, Melinda Boone, Brenda Jenkins, Joyce McNickles, Hate Pickens, and anyone else who has acted a fool publicly or brought shame upon their families.

So there you have it folks. Please, bookmark this blog. Save it in a special place for a special occasion. The next time someone on social media says that Turtleboy is racist for picking on people of color all you have to do is copy and paste this blog into the comments, and then, BOOM – ROASTED!!


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10 Comment(s)
  • Troio
    September 14, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    Im calling the NAAWP right now and will have a dozen lawyers surrounding your house in no time mister!!

  • GoneWest
    September 14, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Well, black people can be racist, right? If any of those blogs were written by TB’s own resident black blogger J-Dub, then they could in fact, be racist.

    • hi
      December 27, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      if you watch his vlogs, you’ll find he’s as white as you and i

  • ninja turtleboy
    September 14, 2016 at 9:28 am

    white people are so embarrasing

  • stupidstuffwhitepeoplelike
    September 14, 2016 at 8:29 am

    my favorite part of this article is ‘the big e’ being listed under white.

  • whatevuh
    September 14, 2016 at 6:00 am

    Dooshnozzles know no race . . . . they are everywhere !

  • Shackleford
    September 13, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    Does anyone else drink Arnold Palmer Half & Half?

    • Vj
      September 14, 2016 at 7:14 am

      the one with alcohol is amazing

      • ninja turtleboy
        September 14, 2016 at 9:27 am

        thats called a john daley!

    • GoneWest
      September 14, 2016 at 8:38 am

      Of course I do

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